Dear Steven,
I had an ice cream today. I got one of those soft-serve things. You know the kind? Tall and beautiful. Looks like one of the turrets of a medieval French palace, if it had been made out of ice cream and not brick. So, I got one of those. And it was a cold day, so I knew I wouldn’t have any problem with it melting. It was -35℃ and blizzard conditions. The other people at the South Pole station wanted to know how I managed to get myself a soft-serve ice cream. I had to tell them that I’d ordered the machine on Amazon. Unfortunately, the south pole is one of the few places Amazon doesn’t deliver to, so I got the pilot that flies our supplies out every month to dump something else and bring it. I mean, what do you think people would rather have? An AED machine, or a soft-serve ice cream machine? Am I right or am I right? So, I made a glorious ice cream, sat on a chair and watched some penguins sliding around. But the ice cream was so cold it froze to my lips. I tried breathing on it, but the ice cream had frozen my mouth shut. I couldn’t call for help because the wind was too loud, and I couldn’t open my mouth anyway. I tried to get one of the penguins to sit on my face to melt the ice cream, but they didn’t want to. In the end, I had to go back in and sit next to the heater. The doctor thinks I might lose all of my fingers. He kept asking me why I hadn’t worn gloves. I told him that you can’t eat an ice cream with gloves on because it would make them all sticky. I don’t know how I’m going to use the soft-serve machine if I don’t have any fingers. Hmm. Or hold the ice cream cone! Maybe I could just flick the lever on with my head and then just let it pour into my mouth. I’ll let you know what I decide.
Your friend,
Kevin